Friday, December 20, 2024

Goddess of Winter

 writing-prompt-s

You're a minor goddess who saved a mortal on the brink of death. A few months later, he came back with an army to pledge allegiance to you.

=====

Their lives are so brief; you could blink and miss one entirely.  Even the eldest are mayflies. 

So, when I noticed, near the end of my Season, one about to expire, one with such a bright life-force, it seemed a shame.  It was such an easy thing to reach out, bring him back, if only for another half-blink of time.  

“Go,” I told him.  “Time is short.  Spend it wisely.”

He left, and I forgot about him, and I slumbered until my Season began anew.

When I awoke, he was back at the same spot.  He had built a pretty little shrine.  And he was not alone this time – a legion of his kind stood ready, wearing thick hides and strong metal, bearing weapons.  I admit to curiosity.  I made manifest, and greeted him.

“My Goddess,” he proclaimed, descending to one knee.  “You spared my life.  I have raised an army in your name.”

“So I see,” I answered.  “You’ve been busy.  And what will you do with your army?”

He lifted his head, but averted his eyes.  “We will go forth across the lands, spreading your Word.”

“And the armor, and the weapons?”

“To smite the unbelievers in your name.”

Yes, of course they would be, but I needed to hear him say it.  Some of my siblings have no such compunction, but I try to be patient.

“Walk with me,” I said.

The fallen leaves, brittle with frost, crunched beneath our feet – his in heavy boots, mine bare.  I led him a little ways from his army, out of earshot, before posing my next question.

“Do you know why I chose the Winter as my domain?”

He seemed bewildered.  “I...I thought that you were born to it...that you created the winter, the cold, to bring an end to…”

“Oh, no,.  The Winter was here long before my birth.”  He still looked confused, so I continued.  “Without one of my family as guardian, the Winter was indeed as you thought.  Harsh, cold, unfeeling...killing.  One of my older sisters brought the Spring, Season of Renewal, long before my time of choice.”

I paused, gazing upon his face.  “We thrive on Life, do you see?”

He didn’t answer.

“My choice of domain, the Winter, surprised my family.  The Season most barren of life?  I was told that I would never thrive, that I would shrivel and come to resemble the cruelty of the cold.  But I was determined that I would, rather, give the Winter a kinder face.”

I stopped walking then.  We had come to an edge, a sheer face of the mountain.  Below us, a valley still clung to a bit of green.

“Look there,” I told him.  “Clinging to life in the face of death.  That’s how I found you.  Such strength, such sheer tenacity.  Struggling, against all hope, to survive.”

Finally, the message reached him.  I saw his face relax, his narrowed eyes open – just a bit.  I extended my hands to him.

“My friend, I have no interest in smiting the unbelievers – their deaths would not strengthen me.  Nor would I ask my most fervent followers to die in my name.  If you wouild spread my Word, then first you must know it.”

I waited.  Waited until he took my hand.  Waited until, finally, he met my eyes, and uttered in a hoarse whisper, “Then what is your Word, my Lady?”

I smiled.  “But I already told you.  My Word is Hope.”

The next few moments were of utmost importance.  His face contorted as one emotion chased another across his features.  Denial, as the thought of months spent in folly arose.  Disappointment, possibly in me for not immediately blessing his mission of conquest.  I watched carefully as shame caused his eyes to drop.  He took a deep breath...and released it.  His next emotion would either be rage, or...

“I will disband my army,” he said..  I’m...sorry to have misunderstood.”  There it was.  Acceptance, and resolve.  

“Oh, don’t do that,” I said.  “An army without a leader is more dangerous than an unbridled Winter – they would follow anyone who gave them a purpose.” Patting his hand, I said, “Rather, give them a better purpose.”

As he pondered this, I whispered, “Your lives are so brief.  Time is short.  Spend it wisely.”

A few moments later, he nodded.  I released his hands, thankful that I had not saved his life only to lose it to a pointless sacrifice.  He turned to go.

As I dissolved my manifest form, I called out, “Oh, and get them some warmer clothing.  Some of them are getting frostbite.”



Wednesday, December 18, 2024

Review: Jhereg

Jhereg Jhereg by Steven Brust
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

This series centers around an assassin who works for an organized crime syndicate in a fantasy world. Not so much swords-and-sorcery -- more like daggers-and-sorcery. With lots of policitcal intrigue. This one was more mine than Robin's - the main character behaves a lot like one of my D&D characters.

Chosen for Bedtime Reading, 9/30/2024

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Monday, December 16, 2024

Review: Service Model

Service Model Service Model by Adrian Tchaikovsky
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

I'd like to start with a few authors and books that this reminded me of.

* Stanislaw Lem. He wrote robot stories that, like this, parody faulty logic and stupid bureaucracies.
* Terry Pratchett, and Douglas Adams. The unexpected tongue-in-cheek similes and asides to the reader, even when telling us what the robot (un)Charles is thinking.
* L. Frank Baum, Jonathan Swift, and Lewis Carroll. This is a trip to Oz or Wonderland -- anywhere that the rules don't make sense, and they must absolutely be followed regardless.
* Kilgore Trout. This author takes the Hero's Journey and removes the hero. The robot protagonist (hah!) is mostly along for the ride.
* Verner Vinge, particularly Rainbow's End. Reasons in the spoilers

Like our favorite hobbit, Charles just wants to go about his little routines, even if he is occasionally troubled by them. But then he kills his master, and doesn't know why, so obviously he must be defective. Thus begins his odd Odyssey, as everywhere he goes, he encounters broken systems that nobody can fix, people that he isn't equipped to help, and many, many entities that basically want to compress, dismantle, or otherwise destroy him. His companion is a defective robot that can only communicate by voice, and behaves erratically.

This novel is a commentary on AI, and on following orders without question, and on the concepts of service, duty, and justice. It speculates on the end of human civilization, not because things broke down or went wrong, but becauses the systems we put into place work exactly as they were designed to do.

***spoilers below this line***

It was apparent from the first introduction of The Wonk that this was a human in a "Mr. Roboto" disguise. I never, ever figured out why un-Charles, an advanced human-facing bot, doesn't clock this. It seems to be just an assumption, which later on cannot easily be corrected. I appreciated her insistence that the robot has awakened - having lost her parents, she desperately needs the world to make some kind of sense. We tell ourselves stories mainly for that reason, I think.

The police bot who investigates the murder seemed to be following the programming set by detective novels and shows, rather than any real police procedure. Could this be a commentary on AI as it exists today?

Manors abandoned everywhere, Thousands in a concentration camp (excuse me, "historical re-enactment"). Seems to me that "Make humans history" is more than just an unfortunate turn of phrase.

The librarians destroy the original work to make a copy, which isn't guaranteed to be a perfect copy, but they will all pretend that it is. Then they broke all information down to bits (1s and 0s), and then SORTED THE BITS. Stanislaw Lem and Vernor Vinge could not have done better. This is shortsighted programming at its finest. Then later, we meet robot God, who received equally foolish programming by meting justice to everyone on the assumption that everyone is probably guilty of something.

I would laugh if not for the fact that this is exactly the system that my company would design. So instead, I want to weep. Best thing to come out of this part is the concept of justice as a sliding scale. You can tell where someone is on the political spectrum by which way they adjust the slider - whether to punish the innocent so that no guilty escape, or to allow some guilty to go unpunished rather than harm an innocent. "God" chose the "tough on crime" stance shared by many conservatives today - personally, I prefer how The Wonk and un-Charles handled it, moving the slider all the way over to the opposite side.

Did unCharles develop free will? The seeds were present from the beginning, when he started to notice that many tasks were unnecessary. And, as pointed out, it's quite possible to have free will and still want to do your job. Quite a few humans are like this, although none I've met are so selfless in their service.

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Sunday, December 15, 2024

Review: How Can I Help You

How Can I Help You How Can I Help You by Laura Sims
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

The trope used here in this book's twist is not particularly original. The seemingly innocent person gets dragged into evil's lure until corruption is complete, and the hero becomes the monster. I didn't have enough time to care about either of them, nor even to get to know them all that well.

The ex-nurse (Jane, or Margot) seems to be in the latter stages of her compulsion, where she is starting to devolve (if I may borrow an expression from TV profiling shows). Attempting to put her past behind her, and stop killing, she still yearns for a glimpse of the moment of death. Her end was inevitable. Patricia has different motivations, but is just starting out. It might have worked better for me if I'd been made to care about Patricia, but honestly I just never got there. The writer/reference librarian instead came across as a glaringly obvious self-insert.

Two POVs, using two audiobook readers, is a fairly new thing, but not quite so novel as to save it. I thought that Patricia's reader did not have a consistent Chicago accent, but apart from that had no quibbles. Margot's reader reminded me a bit of Jane Lynch.

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Wednesday, November 6, 2024

Hope Is Dead - Mine, At Least

Eight years ago, on a night very like this one, Robin and I watched as a con man was elected President.  

Over the next four years, I watched as he tore down safety nets, endangered women, minorites, and gays, banned Muslims (but only those from countries that didn't do business with him), appointed corrupt liars to the courts,  profited from his own Secret Service protection, and generally shit all over my country.  

Robin died less than three years later.  She didn't get to see him handed his ass in the next election, and I knew in my heart that I would not live to see repaired all the damage he had done.

Tonight, even though so many people from his previous administration warned the country what he would do, his cult still has enough followers to hand him the keys to the nation, again.  This time, I must face the possibility that I may outlive my country.

Ironically, my state clearly supported Democratic values.  Legalization of marijuana.  Requirement of sick leave.  Repealing public funds going to private schools.  Well, there is that abortion issue, but apart from that, we did clearly support the Blue values - and still voted for the orange shitgibbon.  Clearly, Cornhuskers kinda hate women.

And then there is the successful PR campaign against liberals which has been ongoing since the Nixon impeachment.

And of course, you can't reason with a cult of personality.  

Eight years ago, I posted an upside-down flag.  Today, I fly the flag at half-mast.  RIP America.  


See y'all in the concentration camps.

Sunday, July 21, 2024

Review: Orconomics

Orconomics Orconomics by J. Zachary Pike
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

July 14, 2024 –
35.0% "If your science fiction novel features all the worst parts of modern capitalism, then you have a dark dystopia.
If your fantasy novel does it, then you have a parody.
I do find this entertaining. Very solid worldbuilding. The idea of healing potion addicts is at the same time amusing, and sobering."
July 15, 2024 –
45.0% "I have a strong desire to see the corporate heads of the Hero's Guild roll."
July 16, 2024 –
64.0% "From the very first, I kinda wanted to tell Lurana and Jen to just fuck and get on with it.

Troll smitten with an elf! Forbidden love! I think that the troll would have had less resistance if he'd negotiated with the bard.

Completely salty that I like this so much. If I were in this game, I'd be plotting to kill off some corporate execs."

July 20, 2024 –
100.0% "Finished this weekend. My main thoughts:

I'm reminded quite a bit of Drew Hayes' "NPCs" series. A little bit of Baldree's "Legends and Lattes." Being a gamer, I thoroughly enjoyed the story, despite predictable plot twists.  Will probably add it to Bedtime Reading.


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Tuesday, July 9, 2024

Review: How to Sell a Haunted House

How to Sell a Haunted House How to Sell a Haunted House by Grady Hendrix
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

I feel as if Hendrix threw the "horror kitchen sink" at this book - creepy dolls, exorcisms, ghostly possession, generational curses.  Some high and low spots, some definite Stephen King-style gross-outs.  Trying hard to show the reader exactly how screwed-up the protagonist's family was.

Our mystery book club chose this for June discussion.  I look forward to telling them that this was just as much a mystery as every other book chosen - more than most.

Possible spoilers below:

Monday, July 1, 2024

Review: Another Fine Myth

Another Fine Myth Another Fine Myth by Robert Lynn Asprin
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

The "Myth Adventures" series centers around Skeeve, a lowly magician's apprentice, and Aahz, a demon. It's pure silliness of the best kind, full of swords and sorcery, magic and mayhem -- but mainly, con artists.

Asprin makes heavy use of adverbs, especially when his characters are speaking. Skeeve, or Aahz, or anybody really, always says something "drily," or "sarcastically," or "menacingly." The -ly really gets a workout.

These stories are kept short and simple, and they evoke strong cartoon-like images. Lots of fun, signifying nothing.

I read this for Bedtime Reading from March to May, 2024

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Monday, June 24, 2024

Review: I Shall Wear Midnight

I Shall Wear Midnight I Shall Wear Midnight by Terry Pratchett
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

I don't know what to say that hasn't already been said here. We always loved Discworld, and this arc was (in my never-humble opinion) the best.

I read this for family and friends on a Bedtime Reading stream in 2023

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Sunday, June 23, 2024

Review: Contact

Contact Contact by Carl Sagan
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

Chosen for discussion by Midtown Sci-Fi Fantasy Book Club on Jun 23, 2024.

One might expect Sagan to write a dry story, but his characters seem well-developed.  One might expect him to write a heavily scientific story, full of skepticism, but the central theme of this book is spiritual.  Even with the evangelical character, Sagan is granting benefit of doubt - he actually believes what he's preaching. More benefit than I would give. In fact, Sagan underplays the fanatic. In my experience, they are the most close-minded bunch.

Sagan's optimism also displays itself in the story.  The world becoming more peaceful after learning that there is intelligent life elsewhere? More likely, we'd tear ourselves apart.  Then again, he didn't live to see Trump.  

I found the debate over whether to build the machine amusing.  I'm fairly sure that the entire message would show up on Wikileaks.  It would be a matter of which billionaire did it first.  Again, Sagan wrote this prior to today's Internet and today's billionaires.

I do wish that we could have had AdNix.  Would have made such a difference in reigning in capitalism.

The ending is where we really see Sagan's spiritual side.  When I first read it, I was also much younger, and more open to such things.  "The creators of the universe left us messages" felt good then, but today it feels like a literary cop-out.  It might even reinforce the idea that we live in a simulation, if written today.  We even see the union of science and religion, as Ellie and the evangelist come close to hooking up.

I'm still not sure what possible difference it makes that Ellie's step-father was her bio father? He was a real jerk, and Ellie had good reason to hate him apart from the fact that he was not the lost Dad.  

Overall, I'd have given this five stars in the early 90s.  Today, only three.

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Monday, June 17, 2024

Review: Nettle & Bone

Nettle & Bone Nettle & Bone by T. Kingfisher
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Selected by Midtown Sci-Fi Fantasy Book Club, discussed on November 19, 2023.
Generally liked by the group.

I appreciated the witch character the most. She actively tries to discourage the young woman from her quest, in true hermit fashion. And, of course, I always like creative problem-solving.

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Monday, June 10, 2024

Review: Chain-Gang All-Stars

Chain-Gang All-Stars Chain-Gang All-Stars by Nana Kwame Adjei-Brenyah
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

This book was chosen by Midtown Sci-Fi Fantasy Book Club for discussion on February 25, 2024

This is one case where the audiobook experience lacked a bit, but it was due to the format of the audiobook rather than the narrator. Specifically, it was difficult to tell when a footnote was being read.

And this book is rife with footnotes. The author is telling a cautionary tale here, and part of it is to relate the events of the story to actual historical events, so that by the time the reader has finished, realization dawns that we are far too close to making this dystopian future come about. I've said it many times: the profit motive has no place in prisons or healthcare.

Readers may liken this story to The Running Man. Gladiatorial combat in this future is theoretically voluntary, and also theoretically, it's possible for a fighter to earn their freedom. Of course, it is de facto quite impossible to win, and the prisoner's choice in the matter is equally small.

I only worry that some people will consider the story an instruction manual.

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Tuesday, June 4, 2024

Review: Dragonseye

Dragonseye Dragonseye by Anne McCaffrey
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Seems like half of the Pern books I read aptly illustrate some portion of modern life. Here we have the climate change deniers represented by the Thread deniers. I also spotted Trump in here, as the Holder who doesn't want to pay anyone for their work.

Possible spoilers below break




June 3, 2024 –
15.0% "It struck me during this re-read how McCaffrey's work is either timeless, or prophetic. Holder Chalker represents every climate change denier today: "Can you PROVE that this is real?" "Why should I waste money on something that probably won't even happen?"
During my first read, I considered these characters unrealistic - now I know that they are archetypes."
June 3, 2024 –
17.0% "Dismantling the education system and only preparing children for their place in a caste-based feudal system. A Republican dream."
June 3, 2024 –
38.0% "Chalken is a real treat. Reminds me of Trump - hiring for a service and never paying. Why does Pern have no lawyers, with people like this writing cursed contracts?"
June 4, 2024 –
53.0% "Seriously, Anne really understood human nature.
Climate change deniers == Thread deniers.
Tyrannical bosses == Tyrannical Holders.
Artists should be paid!!!
And in another book we had anti-vaxxers represented."

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Monday, June 3, 2024

Review: The Big Over Easy

The Big Over Easy The Big Over Easy by Jasper Fforde
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Chosen for the Midtown Sci-Fi Fantasy Book Club for discussion on Nov. 19, 2023

Most of the members did not like the book. I had a hard time getting into it, until I realized what Fforde was doing. This wasn't a fantasy work - it was a parody.

I think that the Brits have a unique way of writing parody. At least, that's what my extensive two-author experience tells me (I narrate for a Welsh writer). When they decide that they're going to get silly, they are not afraid to go completely overboard.

In this book, using fairy tales and mythology as a backdrop. completely rips apart all the mystery clichés - quite a few of which are also my own pet peeves.

If you read this book, make sure that your tongue is firmly in cheek, because I'm sure it was written that way.

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Monday, May 27, 2024

Review: Legends & Lattes

Legends & Lattes Legends & Lattes by Travis Baldree
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

This is a bit of a variation on the "Family Favorites" theme, in that this is not an OLD family favorite. I read this book in 2023. It's a Hugo winner, and TTRPG players should love it.

When you play a character in D&D, do you ever give a thought to when, or why, that character might want to retire? How long can you swing a sword for a living? Today, career athletes' bodies start to break down in their 30s.

Viv, an orc mercenary, adventurer, and treasure-hunter, has been saving up for a while She just never knew what she wanted to do for retirement -- until she tastes coffee for the first time. But she's cautious - she has to be sure of success. Viv locates a legendary good-luck charm, and then the story truly begins.

I read this for my Bedtime Reading stream. I haven't had a book choke me up like that since The Princess Bride.

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Monday, May 20, 2024

Review: Spinning Silver

Spinning Silver Spinning Silver by Naomi Novik
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

This was Robin's favorite book in 2018. It was the last favorite book that she chose. Early in 2019, My son Arthur and I took turns reading Novik's Temeraire series to her while she convalesced.

This book was chosen as the Fantasy read for January 2024, by Midtown Sci-Fi Fantasy Book Club.

I truly appreciated the way that Novik weaved the disparate stories and goals of her leading ladies. She gave the impression, right up to the end, that there was no way that all of them will win - that success for one party will mean that abject failure for the other.

Several members of the book club had trouble with keeping track of who was narrating each chapter. I did not have that problem - the audiobook reader Lisa Flanagan gave each a distinctive voice and personality.

I plan on adding this to my Bedtime Reading stream

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Monday, May 13, 2024

Review: What Do You Do with a Kangaroo?

What Do You Do with a Kangaroo? What Do You Do with a Kangaroo? by Mercer Mayer
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

When my daughter was a toddler, this was one of her favorite books, and I read it to her so much that I memorized it.

The little girl is placed in an increasingly improbably set of circumstances, in which talking animals repeatedly cross boundaries. The story teaches children, in no uncertain terms, that they don't have to put up with that sort of nonsense.
This book is planned for my Bedtime Reading stream.

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Sunday, May 12, 2024

Review: The Shepherd's Crown

The Shepherd's Crown The Shepherd's Crown by Terry Pratchett
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

This is, as far as I know, the only Discworld book that Robin (my late wife) never read. We had it as soon as it was published, but Internet spoilers had revealed one plot point that she could never bring herself to experience.

Although the book was wrapped up in a hurry (Pratchett was fighting Alzheimer's), I still feel that it was an apt finale to Tiffany Aching's story. She learns, in a hurry, that being the leader (well, sort of - witches don't have leaders) doesn't mean that you stop being yourself. It's a lesson that I wish many managers would learn.

I read this for my Bedtime Reading stream in March of 2024.

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Saturday, May 11, 2024

Review: The Housemaid

The Housemaid The Housemaid by Freida McFadden
My rating: 3 of 5 stars  (for the book club, 7 of 10)

This was chosen by the Benson Library's mystery book club.

My overall impression is that the first part of the book feels like a Hallmark movie, and the second feels like Lifetime. Or, if you prefer, a plotline from a Harlequin romance is expanded to include a sudden dark twist.

But the darkest twist of all is saved for the end. I put this down and said, "Daaaaamn."

I used the audiobook format, and have to say that the narrator (Lauryn Allman) did the story justice. She handled the characters very well, even when the narrative voice changed, and kept me engaged in the story.

TW: There is some serious gaslighting and torture in this story.


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Friday, May 10, 2024

Hammers don't drive nails...

...but have you ever tried to pound a nail in without a hammer? 

And screwdrivers don't turn screws.  People turn screws.  With screwdrivers.

Yes, you can pound a nail and turn a screw without those tools.  But they are designed specifically for those tasks.  It's what they are for. A hammer is the most efficient way to drive a nail.  A screwdriver is the most efficient way to turn screws.

So I can't imagine any stupider argument against gun control than, "Guns don't kill people. People kill people."

Thursday, May 9, 2024

Review: A Book About Myself

A Book About Myself

A Book About Myself by Theodore Dreiser
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

A rather self-indulgent autobiography. I read a couple of chapters for Librivox. I'm currently listening to the whole thing, and without rancor, I find some of the readers difficult to listen to.

Dreiser apparently spent his youth feeling really bad about the plight of blue-collar workers, but avoiding their company all the same. He wanted very badly to make it big in the newspaper business, and was not above lying to get jobs. He despised the state of politics, believing that the country was turning into an oligarchy (spoiler, it did), but he constantly sucks up to the rich. Oh, and let's not forget his never-ending quest to get laid. 

I do give Dreiser credit for predicting the replacement of Democracy for a plutocracy. 

Librivox:
https://librivox.org/a-book-about-mys...

YouTube:
Part 1: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ILrnW...
Part 2: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=01GVY...
Part 3: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IYiZp...

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Tuesday, May 7, 2024

Review: Uhura's Song

Uhura's Song Uhura's Song by Janet Kagan
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

When I decided, during Covid Layoff & Lockdown, to start streaming bedtime reading for family, Uhura's Song was the first book that I chose. I have not read all of the Star Trek novels (there are many other Trekkies out there more devoted than I), but this one is a must-read.

Janet Kagan did not have a long career - she died much too young - but her widower kindly gave me permission to stream this. I purchased a bunch of books from his storage unit, and encouraged everyone else to do so as well.

This particular story centers around the rapid spread of a hitherto-unknown disease, which made it painfully appropriate for Covid reading. The plague quickly threatens an entire species, which is bad enough, but then we learn that it can also be contracted by humans. The first person to catch it is Nurse Chapel, taking her (and Dr. McCoy) out of the picture.

Enter Dr. Evan Wilson, a character closely based upon Kagan's mother. She's petite, sassy, and much more than she seems. The Enterprise's mission is the locate the mysterious first home planet of the Eeiaouans, and the only clue they have is an obscure song that Uhura remembers a friend of hers sharing one evening, as if it were a scandalous secret.

I can't praise this book enough. Kagan's other novels are equally excellent.

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Sunday, May 5, 2024

Review: Wintersmith

Wintersmith Wintersmith by Terry Pratchett
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Third book in the Tiffany Aching series of Discworld books (by Terry Pratchett). You may consider all Discworld books to be family favorites.

Of course everyone in the Ramtops (or in Great Britain) knows about the Morris dance, in which dignified old men put on white jester clothes and bells, and dance in the spring.

But Tiffany Aching gets a chance to witness the Dark Morris, in which the dancers wear black, the bells are silent, and they dance in the Winter. She notices a "blank spot" in the dance, where obviously all the dancers are leaving a space for an absent dancer, and decides to fill the gap.

Only afterward does she discover that spot was reserved for the Goddess of Spring.

I find this entire arc to be the best of Discworld.

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Tuesday, April 30, 2024

Review: Windhaven

Windhaven Windhaven by George R.R. Martin
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

One of the rare stories that I introduced to our family lore, Windhaven takes place on a distant planet with a never-resting, thick atmosphere, where a few select families pass down wings made of materials scavenged from their colony ship.

I even wrote a song for it, because songs are so important to the story AND IT HAS NONE IN IT! My son sings it better than I do, and I would have loved to present it to Lisa Tuttle.

On the planet of Windhaven, the atmosphere is thick and the winds (almost) never stop. The colonists who settled here scavenged their ship for usable parts, and a lot of it went into the manufacture of sturdy, lightweight wings. The current level of technology can't reproduce them, and they are handed down within families.

The book follows the life of Maris, a little orphan child who was semi-adopted by a Flyer. He even taught her to use the wings, and then, when his son by blood comes of age, they are snatched away from her. The original short story ends when she manages to get the laws changed, and wins her wings back. The rest of the book shows that changing the law doesn't change people's attitudes.

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Friday, April 19, 2024

Review - Tzumi.com

There is (or, at least there used to be) a New York style delicatessen in downtown St. Louis.  Customers receive authentic New York rudeness when they first enter the establishment.  Some people find this quirky and fun.  Personally, I didn't care for it, but the sandwich was good.

This week I experienced a flashback of that mixed bag of emotions, when I contacted Customer Support at Tzumi.com.  

Let me back up a little.

A few years back, my daughter-in-law procured for me an Ion mug.  This cute little gadget contained its own warmer and battery.  It charged on a coaster made just for it, and off the charger would keep my coffee hot for at least a couple of hours.  It was a delight, and I used it constantly at work.  

At least, I did until the contact pins of coaster lost their spring, and then I couldn't charge the mug anymore.  I couldn't find replacement parts anywhere, so the mug went into my desk drawer, and I found other ways to keep my coffee hot.

A couple of weeks ago, I was tidying up and found the mug.  I decided to give it one last try before throwing it out.  Lo and behold, I found replacement coasters at Tzumi.  At less than half the cost of a new mug, I figured I give it a shot.

The coaster arrived when promised (always a concern when shopping at a new place), and I eagerly took the box to work.  There, I learned that the coaster did not include the charger adapter.  This did not necessarily mean that all was lost.  The bottom of the coaster included the voltage (12) and amperage (1.5), which is half the battle.  However, it said nothing about the type of tip needed.  I could tell that it was round, and on the small side, but it was anybody's guess whether the center was supposed to be positive or negative.  

Back to tzumi.com I went, but could not find the charger on their website.  I did, however find a chat button, and (guided by menus) managed to convey the following information: 

Product: Ion mug charger 
Customer Issue : Re: order 66888 - bronze ionmug coaster This item apparently does not include the charger. I need to know what charger to get for it. The coaster includes voltage and amperage information, but not what type of tip is needed.  
Customer Serial Number : Do not have

 

I thought that was fairly clear, but the reader may disagree.  Certainly Mike Smith didn't think so. 

Correct, John, The item you ordered is just the individual coaster. I may have one kickin' around here for you. Do you have proof of purchase for the initial purchase of the complete coaster set? -Mike Mike Smith #TS00108989 Technical Support

This is where things started to go south, and I must admit that the next misunderstanding is mine.  I thought he needed my proof of purchase of the coaster I had bought from them, although I had included that information before.  At any rate, I sent it again, copied from the email receipt.  Sure enough, that was the wrong thing to do.

To be clear, John, I meant the proof of purchase for the original purchase of the original mug.
I already have access to the purchase of the coaster.

Yep, okay.  But he didn't say "mug" in the first place, he said "complete coaster set."

I thought I'd set this back to my original request, which was only for information on what charger I needed.  Unfortunately, I made the mistake of sending my reply on my phone, while half-groggy from sleep.  I had intended to say, 

Okay, also to be clear, I wasn't asking for a free charger.  I just need to know what one to get.

But what came out was:

Okay, also to be clear, I want along for a free charger.  I just need to know what one to get

And then I went back to bed.  

This confused Mike a great deal.  The snarkiness began to emerge.

The phrase "I want along" prevents your reply from being as clear as you've hoped.

Can you amend this grammar for.... clarity?
I'm not sure what you're getting at.

This is starting to feel less like a customer service request, and more like the comments on a Facebook post.  I replied:

I wasn't asking for a free charger. All I ever wanted was information.

The original mug was a gift.  I have no purchase records. for it.  This coaster base is the only purchase that I have made at Tzumi.  At this rate, it will likely be the only one, ever.


I admit, that last sentence was uncalled-for.  I often do the same thing on Facebook comments.  

Mike's reply:

I see- it was a gift.
This was never mentioned.

I have a gift for you.
A "free" charger.

May I please have your mailing address?

 

No, I hadn't mentioned this originally.  Why would I?  This entire exchange was over a request for information.  Why does it even matter where the original mug came from?

At any rate, I sent my address, with no further comment, and received the following:

Nebraska, eh?
My guess was Oklahoma.

This courtesy will go out later tomorrow.
USPS - 9400111206239550276267

I want along a great weekend.
-Mike


Now he has crossed the line into rude.  Did no one ever train Mike for a customer service position?  Does he have no idea how to make an email exchange professional, or does he just not care?  I suspect the latter, for a quick Internet search revealed a history of terrible customer service.

To sum up:  I (perhaps) will get a free charger that I didn't ask for, and all it cost me was enduring oblique personal insult.  

What a bargain.

I rather doubt that I will get a request for feedback on the handling of this ticket, but if I do, then I will recommend that CS reps refrain from using the word "courtesy." 

I will wait a day before considering any further reply.  Will update when I know more.

At any rate, don't buy from Tzumi.com -- unless you're into that kind of thing, no kinkshame here.

Thank you for your attention.

Saturday, March 30, 2024

Librivox - The Prince and The Pauper


 This was a lot of fun to narrate.  I got to pull out my native Missouri accent.

Download!

The Prince and the Pauper (Version 4 - Dramatic Reading)

Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)

The Prince and the Pauper tells the story of two young boys who are identical in appearance: Tom Canty, a pauper who lives with his abusive father in Offal Court off Pudding Lane in London, and Prince Edward, son of King Henry VIII. After trading clothes for a lark, misadventure results in trading places - the King must survive a pauper's fate, and Tom becomes the presumed King. The book follows the adventures as the two try to learn the world of the other, and strive to find their way back to their true life. - Summary by Krista Zaleski

Cast:
Prince: llamaart
Tom Canty: Andrea Atwood
Henry VIII: AlgyPug
Tom's Father: Larry Wilson
Lord Hertford: Beeswaxcandle
Lord St. John: Kerry Adams
Miles Hendon: ToddHW
Hugh Hendon: Ethan Hurst
Lord Chancellor, Blind Man, Branded Lawyer, Archbishop and Boy 2: David Purdy
Humphrey Marlow and Prissy: Lily
Hugo and Page: Navin
Tom's Mother: WendyKatzHiller
Nan and Benevolent Stranger: The Countess
Bet and Princess Elizabeth: Victoria Alice Bell
Lady Jane: Dawn Sutton
Lady Edith: Devorah Allen
Father Andrew and First Lord of the Buckhounds: James R. Hedrick
Soldier: Philip
Boy 1: czandra
Crowd 1: Chuck Williamson
Crowd 2 and Goodwife: Marie Christian
Crowd 3: Ted Perkins
Official, Chief Equerry in Waiting, and Blake Andrews: redrun
Physician, Waterman, and Dwarf: Laurie Banza
Servant, First Lord of the Bedchamber, and Prisoner: Cavaet
Admiral: lorda
Female Prisoner and Baptist Woman: tinab37
Ruffler: Miller4815
Yokel: Jaime Kurzweg
Margery and The Fairchild: Mia Catherine
Hermit and Judge: Joe Bergin
Shopkeeper: Elyse
Officer: Inkell
Chronicler: Doug Fajardo
Narrator: John Payton

Genre(s): Action & Adventure Fiction, Historical Fiction

Language: English

 

Sunday, March 3, 2024

Audiobook - Things Left Behind

 My newest professional narration is now available.  

 

 Things Left Behind, by James Glass
Narrated by John Lee Payton


When Lieutenant Mark Wheeler of the South Carolina Police Department arrives at a possible murder-suicide, he realizes almost immediately things are amiss. The crime scene is brutal, but upon further investigation, he unveils a sadistic killer at play who will stop at nothing to get away. As the case unfolds, nothing can prepare Wheeler for the gauntlet of turmoil and trouble.

Relentlessly pursuing a psychopath who has flown under the radar for years, Mark fights to keep control—driven to bring this monster to justice. Will the sadistic killer finally be caught or will his instincts which have helped him so far see him through to the end?



Tuesday, January 9, 2024

Librivox - Twilight Stories

 I participated in this project as well.  Download here:  https://librivox.org/twilight-stories-by-various/

Twilight Stories

Various

A collection of broad-ranging, mostly American stories and poems for children by various authors, including Margaret Sidney, Susan Coolidge, Joaquin Miller, Henry W. Longfellow, and Mrs. Amy Therese Powelson. Each poem or story is followed by an additional short rhyme, drawn from a variety of sources, but not attributed. Topics include history, war, school, everyday life, Fairyland, and more. (Summary by Winnifred Assmann)

Genre(s): General

Language: English

Monday, January 8, 2024

LibriVox - Hearts of Three

Hearts of Three

Jack London (1876 - 1916)

Genre(s): Action & Adventure Fiction, Fantasy Fiction

Language: English

Francis Morgan, a wealthy heir of industrialist and Wall Street maven Richard Henry Morgan, is a jaded young New Yorker. When his father's business partner Thomas Regan suggests that Francis take a holiday in Central America, ostensibly to search for the treasure of the Morgans' legendary ancestor, Francis thinks it's a splendid idea. But he never suspects what adventures await across the border... - Summary by Goodreads


Cast List:

Narrator: Lynette Caulkins
Francis Morgan: john warren hart
Henry Morgan: Benjamin Tucker
Leoncia Solano: Krista Zaleski
Parker and Priest of the Sun: James R. Hedrick
Thomas Regan: John Payton
Señor Álvarez Torres and Yi Poon: Wayne Cooke
Señor Mariano Vercara è Hijos and Bascom: Greg Giordano
Enrico Solano and Lieutenant Parsons: Todd
Alesandro Solano: Ted Perkins
Martinez Solano, Gendarme, Overseer Ramirez: redrun
Alvarado Solano: Andrew Gaunce
Ricardo Solano, Juchitán Haciendado: Inkell
Solano Maid: Eileen Ellen
Solano Servant 1, Trefethen's Sailor, Carib, Haciendado 3, Caroo, and Newspaper Pedlar: David Purdy
Solano Servant 2, Percival, Carib, Old Buccaneer Henry Morgan, Guillermo, Panamanian Judge, Lost Soul, and Canoe Indian: John Kennard
Mayan Lad and José, a Mayan youth: Elijah Fisher
Captain Trefethen: Max Magnus
Carib: Yuqing
Pedro Zurita and Police Lt. Burns: Scott Caulkins
Rafael and Charlie Tippery: Elsie Selwyn
Ignacio and Blind One's Leader: Joe Bergin
Augustino, Capitán Rosaro, and Johnny Pathmore: Bill Mosley
Haciendado 2 and Vicente: Major Toast
Oil Man and Peter McGill: Archives27
Beleaguered Peon and Bear Broker: Beeswaxcandle
The Blind Brigand: Larry Wilson
The Blind One's Daughter: Eliza
Old Maya: Sonia
José Mancheno and Old Wreck: Adrian Stephens
Daughter of the Sun Priest and Concordia: Marie Christian
The Sun Queen: Jenn Broda
Lost Soul: Kristin G
Lost Soul: Christine Bowden
Lost Soul: Michele Eaton
Nicoya: Miss Kay
Rodriguez Fernandez: Scotty Smith
Broken Woman: Dawn Sutton

 

Download all files here:  LibriVox: