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Seems like anything set me off today.
I cut grass, and felt sad.
The neighbors were outside. I finally got the chance to ask if it was okay to cut down the bushes/trees on the property line (it is), and felt an intense need to apologize for not doing it sooner. And explain. And that set me off.
I cooked a dinner for myself, and that got me crying. I always cooked dinner for the both of us; it seems so damned selfish of me to cook just for me.
I searched for my birth certificate and passport, because I'm going along with the kids on a cruise this November. And I couldn't find my passport, and that made me so damned angry with myself, because I can't seem to take care of anything. And what the hell was I feeling sorry for myself for? She's the one who suffered for it!
It was the worst wave of the day.
I thought I was on the mend, and then I ran across a small 2018 calendar. A fucking calendar. She'd marked the birthdays and anniversaries, with names and exclamation points. She always got so excited over everyone else's special days.
Earlier today, I read a journal entry where she talked about how she really wasn't a good person, she just suppressed all her evil thoughts and tried to be good.
Sure fooled me, hon. You were a damn sight better than I ever was.
I cut grass, and felt sad.
The neighbors were outside. I finally got the chance to ask if it was okay to cut down the bushes/trees on the property line (it is), and felt an intense need to apologize for not doing it sooner. And explain. And that set me off.
I cooked a dinner for myself, and that got me crying. I always cooked dinner for the both of us; it seems so damned selfish of me to cook just for me.
I searched for my birth certificate and passport, because I'm going along with the kids on a cruise this November. And I couldn't find my passport, and that made me so damned angry with myself, because I can't seem to take care of anything. And what the hell was I feeling sorry for myself for? She's the one who suffered for it!
It was the worst wave of the day.
I thought I was on the mend, and then I ran across a small 2018 calendar. A fucking calendar. She'd marked the birthdays and anniversaries, with names and exclamation points. She always got so excited over everyone else's special days.
Earlier today, I read a journal entry where she talked about how she really wasn't a good person, she just suppressed all her evil thoughts and tried to be good.
Sure fooled me, hon. You were a damn sight better than I ever was.
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