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Arthur and Anita (A2) have gone back to Missouri. They put their lives on hold for us, for months. As Anita put it, it feels like they came for Easter just last week. But they stayed, and helped through Robin's entire illness and recovery cycle, three hospital stays, and finally sat shiva with me after her death. (No, we're not Jewish, it just ended up being seven days.) They were going to split up again, leaving Arthur here with me, but I told them that they have to get some balance back into their lives, be with each other. In about a week, they'll be back for the rest of their things.
I've been alone before; I know how to do it. The Army sent me to Korea for a whole year. Various business trips, lasting from one week to four. I've just never felt alone, not since we first became engaged. I always knew it was temporary.
And I'm not really alone, even now. Kyrie is literally only blocks away, walking distance, and I'll see her again on Monday.
It's that hole-in-the-heart thing, again. With constant company, it's a little easier to distract myself from it, but hasn't left me.
I know this will improve. No, scratch that. I know that I can do this. I don't know that it will get any better.
Deep breath.
Wave has passed.
We're all planning to do more together. Possibly a Branson trip in late August. The remembering in late September. Kyrie suggested that she and Rick go with me on a karaoke night (side note: she doesn't really like karaoke), which would have to wait until after the next shift change. Maybe even accompany A2 on their cruise if a larger cabin opens up.
You know. All the things that Robin would have done, if her health permitted.
No, that's not fair. She did do some of these things, when she felt better in the past. Still, I have a right to rant and rail against the universe for denying her more of them. And a little bit against myself, if I'm being honest.
She deserved more.
She's still the glue that holds us all together. I like to think she'd be happy about that. I certainly still feel her love all around me, through the kids, and I hope they can feel it from me, too. That's why I know I can do this.
Hang on, another wave.
This, more than anything, makes me want to believe in something beyond this life.
Okay, time to stop this, and go to sleep.
I've been alone before; I know how to do it. The Army sent me to Korea for a whole year. Various business trips, lasting from one week to four. I've just never felt alone, not since we first became engaged. I always knew it was temporary.
And I'm not really alone, even now. Kyrie is literally only blocks away, walking distance, and I'll see her again on Monday.
It's that hole-in-the-heart thing, again. With constant company, it's a little easier to distract myself from it, but hasn't left me.
I know this will improve. No, scratch that. I know that I can do this. I don't know that it will get any better.
Deep breath.
Wave has passed.
We're all planning to do more together. Possibly a Branson trip in late August. The remembering in late September. Kyrie suggested that she and Rick go with me on a karaoke night (side note: she doesn't really like karaoke), which would have to wait until after the next shift change. Maybe even accompany A2 on their cruise if a larger cabin opens up.
You know. All the things that Robin would have done, if her health permitted.
No, that's not fair. She did do some of these things, when she felt better in the past. Still, I have a right to rant and rail against the universe for denying her more of them. And a little bit against myself, if I'm being honest.
She deserved more.
She's still the glue that holds us all together. I like to think she'd be happy about that. I certainly still feel her love all around me, through the kids, and I hope they can feel it from me, too. That's why I know I can do this.
Hang on, another wave.
This, more than anything, makes me want to believe in something beyond this life.
Okay, time to stop this, and go to sleep.
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