Game date: 10/22/2020
I started having my recurring nightmare when I was very young, too small even to be groomed for a life of endless boardroom meetings and machiavellian machinations. I am floating in an infinite space, surrounded by objects of varying size. In some dreams, they appear to me as numbers, in others, as rocks or spheres, and sometimes they are just formless concepts, but always, always, they are motionless, or perhaps locked in a tight, slow pattern of motion. Then, I notice the smaller objects occasionally dart from one place to another, but nothing comes of it, because they are too small to matter. They are beneath notice, and their erratic, out-of-pattern behavior affects nothing. Very rarely, a medium or larger one may move without consequence, but only slightly. When one of the biggest objects attempts to break the pattern, to dart about as the smaller ones do, then the entire system comes crashing down around me. And that is always when I wake up, frightened out of my wits.Once, after a particularly bad awakening, I told my mother about this nightmare. She, being a mystical sort, told me that I must have an instinctual understanding of the world, for my dream mirrored how it works. And she also said that I should not be afraid when they all come crashing down, because any
system so rigid is bound to end in chaos. To prove the point, she brought some games. One of them was made with long blocks that were nearly (but not quite) identical in shape, and stacked in a tower. The goal was to remove blocks from somewhere in the middle of the structure and place them on top, building it ever higher. Being a bright child, I soon realized that, eventually, the tower must fall.And then she showed me how to build a sturdier structure, using the same blocks, with a wider base. By putting more resources at the bottom, she said, the top did not reach as high, but was in no danger of falling. "But it isn't the same game," I said, and she agreed. "It all depends on what you think 'winning' is."
I got very good at these games, but never forgot the true lesson. I still have the dream, but sometimes, I play with it before the chaos begins. And, I keep a little pyramid model on my bedside table. I don't have any other real memories of my mother.