Tuesday, April 17, 2018

Release the Weasel

(Part One)

Background
Release was an actual weasel, played by my daughter.  The character was rolled as a familiar for her brother's character, a slaadi (Bud) with a three-word vocabulary.  As neither character had an Int score over 6, it was a tossup as to who was actually a familiar to whom.  I was playing a rogue who owned six pokemon (did I mention this was a homebrew?).  I don't remember anyone else's characters.

The party is exploring a tower that seems to run on half-magic and half-tech, and we've discovered a complex pattern at the basement level.  We believe that it is intended for teleportation and most of us are discussing it amongst ourselves and completely ignoring Release and Bud.  Meanwhile...

Release:  I use my Detect Magic ability.

DM:  Oh yes, it's VERY magical.

Release:  Oooh, Bud, it's shiny!

Bud:  (nodding) Wise.

Release:  I want to take it with me.  I get out my portable hole.

DM:  It's larger than the hole, and firmly attached to the floor.  That probably won't work.

Release:  I don't care.  I'm getting the hole out and unfolding it.

Bud:  Er...

Release:  Unfolding it very slowly...

DM:  It's definitely not big enough to cover the whole pattern.

Release:  I move to the very edge to try to cover as much of it as I can...

Bud:  Er...

DM:  Are you sure you want to do this?

Release:  Yes!  I put the portable hole over the pattern!

DM:  Okay, roll.

Release:  20!  Natural 20!

Several other players, far too late:  Wait, you're doing what?

DM:  You capture a significant part of the magical pattern with the portable hole.  Everybody roll saves.

Everybody failed.  The pattern gave up its magic in an explosion of nuclear levels.  The entire party died.  Everyone in the city died.  This was one of our DM's few TPKs.


(Part Two)

Background
Our campaign included an area called Wight Island, populated mainly by (you guessed it) wights.  Every permadeath character ended up as a resident of Wight Island.  A different party (I don't remember who played what) is on a mission to retrieve a seed from a tree which only grows on this particular island, when whom do they encounter?

DM:  You all see the ghostly figure of... a weasel.

Me:  No!  It couldn't be... Release!

Cleric:  Who the hell is Release?

Me:  Release the Weasel!  She's a legend!  They say she destroyed the sixth city of Armenolos!

Cleric:  Single-handedly?  How the heck did you die, weasel?

Release:  I put a portable hole over a pattern.

Upon hearing this the entire party (and a few nearby wights) bust out laughing at the weasel wight.

Release:  Hey!  Punks!  Don't laugh at me!  I got it, see?

Release pulls the piece of pattern out of a ghostly portable hole.

DM:  Everybody make a saving throw.

Wight Island was destroyed in a ghostly yet still extremely powerful magical explosion.  The entire party died.  Every wight was killed.

Thus my 8-year-old daughter wiped out two entire parties and two main features of her mom's game, with one low-intelligence character and a portable hole.

If any players from those two games reads this and wants to correct my memory, please feel free.

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