Top 30 Pedlarisms

While grating cheese for tonight's pizza meal, my hand slipped and I nearly included some knuckle-skin with the mozzarella.  This got me to thinking about the Pedlarisms, which have not crossed my mind in years.

Our 2001 production of Apology for a Pedlar was, as far as I know, the last stage production of Rodney Whitaker's thesis work.  Whitaker went on to publish several best-sellers under the pen name Trevanian, but Pedlar he published as Nicholas Seare.  I loved this book in college, and when we got the chance to put it on stage I jumped for it.  Robin directed, even though I was originally slated for that job, because we needed more men on stage than we had, and I hate the idea of directing and acting at the same time.

Our Pedlar had some trouble with the lines, which was rather unfortunate considering that the character is primarily described as a wordsmith.  His words are supposed to roll trippingly from the tongue, but often he'd trip over them instead.

In spite of the obstacles, and a few sour memories, I'd love to do this show again.  I think that my agreement with Whitaker would allow it.

My good friend Gus, who played Rapin (the seneschal of the castle) compiled the following list of verbal blunders, which I now share with you.

Friends,

Here is, I think, the final list of Pedlarism from the 2001 production of
"Apology for a Pedlar." While some of these were deliberate screw-ups
committed during the brush-up rehearsal (a hallmark tradition of Act II),
most were entirely unintentional.

Very few of these made it to production, just enough to add a special taste
of fear to each night's performance.

Let me know if you think I should cc Trevanian - or even Act II - on this.
I'm sorely tempted on both counts.

And now, the top 30 Pedlarisms of 2001:

30. (Pedlar) "You're, like, some old bone croasting about a chastity belt"

29. (Thane) "I'll even throw in the peasant girl...for free"

28. (Thane) "...I'll sign the place right over to you..." (Then Rapin) "Piss off!"

27. (Pedlar) "Pray all abjure of pishing"

26. (Rapin) "To beat this rascal from the castle" "...with the pestle from the vessel...or the flagon with the dragon..."  "who has the next line?"
 
25. (Pedlar) "Thanks for the memories"

24. (Rapin) "Book 'im Festrel"

23. (Rapin) "I am sorry I heartily offended thee and I..."

22. (Pedlar) "Do you really want this cr-crep-crapusc-carpulent...What the hell does that mean, anyway?"

21. (Pedlar) "There's a girl upstairs, if you're of that inclination."

20. (Pedlar) "Don't get me wrong. I kinda admire you stickin' to your principles like that."

19. (Thane) "That doesn't prevent his name from being Eon."

18. (Thane) "I think you're cracked as a hooer's hymen."

17. (Thane) "It's praying and breastfeeding for me."

16. (Thane) "the sauce of our sadness...the cause of our lamentatious ah-nit-alls..."

15. (Pedlar) "Not diseased, madam, but...sick....to be sure..."

14. (several cast) "Uh...yeah...OK...whatever...."

13. (Pedlar) "And he, having waddled through life with careless steps..."

12. (Pedar) "It's no good leaving more nipple-skin on that greedy door."

11. (Pedlar) "I shall sing to lighten the spirits that have been amused within these walls."

10. (Pedlar) "Unclattered fools!"

9. (Kipance) "'Tis a difficult leader for a peasant step to take..."

8. (Mistress) "Now see here, Pedlar...er...you're a minstrel, aren't you?"

7. (Kipance) "Make sure the sword with which I am blunted is well-knighted."

6. (Pedlar) "Even now the clap is reaching the rim of the midnight bell."

5. (Pedlar) "We won't tribble over quifles." "No, wait...We won't...tribble over quifles."
 
4. (Pedlar) "The burden of the frau is upon us."

3. (Pedlar) "Wipe the furrowed ashes from your brows!"

2. (Pedlar) "I piddle and spin....diddle and spit...oh, damn..."

And the number one Pedlarism of 2001 is still:

1. (Pedlar) "Rapists will demand precedence over his diddler."