25 things about me

People are always doing this on FB. This time I got tagged. Only thing is I'm not sure I can come up with 25 things. At least not 25 interesting things. At any rate, I'm putting it here so that, if I do manage to finish the list, it will be saved for the next time I'm tagged.

1. I only cut my hair to play a part, although sometimes that part is "job applicant." No special reason, I just prefer it long. I look dorky either way so I might as well be happy about it.

2. While it was the most painful experience of my life, I still would not presume to compare passing a kidney stone to giving birth. Come on, guys. If it lasted for hours, hurt like that all the way to the end, and you couldn't have codeine, and when the stone had passed you then had to take care of it for 25 years, then maybe it would be comparable.

3. I know what your dreams mean.

4. I auditioned for "Who Wants To Be A Superhero" (season 2). I still want to be a superhero. Sometimes, though, I'd rather be an Evil Overlord. I practically memorized the handbook.

5. My job title should be "Computer Systems Babysitter."

6. When I was 10, a Ouija board told me that I would die at age 65. I don't believe it, but for some reason can't put it out of my mind. Maybe because that's how old my grandfather was when he went. So it's kind of like a contest for me - on my 66th birthday I'll yell "I win!" and then probably keel right over.

7. I've been known to wear strange costumes.


8. I killed a rabid possum with a Bowie knife. It was him or me.

9. I've grown to hate computers over the years. This probably means that I should change careers, but I'm getting to the age where this is just too scary a proposition. So I'll probably hang on till I'm a bitter old man, then end my days as a Wal-Mart greeter.

10. I don't exist when I sleep.

11. I am not photogenic. I mean, just look! I look at pictures of me and think, "I look better than that."

12. Completely addicted to coffee. I'm pretty sure that I've built up a strong immunity to caffeine by now.

13. You will probably not meet a lazier man than I. If you do, you'll have to wake him up to say hi.

14. I used to think that I was a Scotch drinker. Then I tried Laphroaig. I quickly decided that I only like some kinds of Scotch, and no kinds of turpentine.

15. In spite of the fact that I know how to calculate odds, I still buy an occasional lottery ticket. Because no matter how closely a number approaches zero, it's still more than zero.

16. I hate when a manager puts a hand on my shoulder. I used to think that this was a touch of homophobia, but one day I learned that I hate it just as much when a female boss does it. The gesture is condescending and indicates ownership. It makes me want to throw a punch.

17. I always look like I'm angry. That's just my default facial expression. I'm not angry. One of the quickest ways to get me angry is to constantly ask me what's wrong.

18. I prefer dogs, but I own cats. As much as anyone can own cats. Actually I get on well with most animals. But not bugs.

19. I can do most of the Muppet voices. I felt ripped off when Henson died and there was no open casting. But now I can truthfully say that I sound more like Kermit than Kermit does. My talent for cartoon voices largely goes unappreciated, especially when my son and I do Beavis and Butthead.

20. I'm agnostic. I've tried looking into several different religions, but when it comes right down to it I just don't know what lies beyond this life. Furthermore, no one really knows. There's only one way to find out, and that's a one-way trip. I spent a long time hating on Christians, but anymore I only hate on people who bug me about religion. That's another way to get me angry.

21. I own stock in a company that makes flying cars, just because I feel cheated by the 21st century.

22. Despite appearances to the contrary, I'm not a liberal. I just believe that our government should be more concerned with individuals than profits. More about helping people and less about killing people. More regulation on corporations and less on copulation. And that doesn't make me a socialist nor does it make me any less a patriot. We have a very good Constitution and I never abandoned the oath I took as a soldier to defend it. Okay, rant over.

23. Sometimes I appear on-stage. Once in a while I've been paid for it.

24. I owned a hang glider for three years and never used it once. How sad is that? I ended up selling it for about $30 more than I bought it for. I hope the guy who bought it, used it.

25. If I bleed on a repair project, that project is a guaranteed success. No I don't think that I have magic blood - it's mostly because I'll be damned if I let some machine taste my blood and then not work for me.

Huh, what do you know? I finished.