Thanksgiving Surprise

So our favorite Thanksgiving story is the first year we spent in Arizona. Our son was 3 that year. We had everything ready and on the kitchen table except the turkey. When I pulled it from the oven, and set it upon the center of the table, the entire table collapsed to the floor.

It turns out that our 3-year-old son had,, at some point previously, raided my tookit and had carefully removed all the screws holding the table legs on. When he did this, we never found out, but it did not affect normal use of the table. Only when the 20-lp bird hit the top did it finally give up the ghost.

Needless to say, we were all a bit speechless.

Most of the dinner was salvageable, except for a few spatters, and no one was injured. Fortunately, he saved the screws.

The Most Popular Names of 2089

I just got back.  The most popular names of 2089 are:

Velma
Shaggy
Daphne
Fred.

This is due to the resurgence in popularity of the kids' cartoon Scooby Doo. Sociologist attribute three factors:

1. The group marriage arrangement of the characters, while never acknowledged in the 20th Century, closely mirrors the more vanilla contracts of the late 21st.

2. Talking dogs genetically engineered become popular pets, and they're every bit as hilarious as you'd think (especially if you're high), but mostly

3. The slang words made up for the show (Zoinks, Jinkies, et. al) coincidentally all have sexual meanings by 2089 and the dialogue has spawned several drinking games.

Disney managed to turn this into a trend, since they already had rights to most childrens' entertainment, by re-streaming such shows as Rugrats, Super-Friends, and He-Man. Fox made an abortive attempt to cash in and announced that they would be activating the "resurrection clause" of all the voice actors from "The Simpsons," but immediately upon her return to life Nancy Cartwright reportedly said "Zoink THAT," and drank a vial of holy water, returning to dust (and hopefully a torment-free afterlife).

Don't Thank Me. No, Really.

When I entered the Army in 1983, I did so out of necessity. I had a young wife, an infant son, and bills to pay when I lost my job (the official reason was, I kid you not, my "clothes looked rumpled") and there were no jobs to be had in Omaha under the Reagan economy. So, like many at the time, I entered the service for the basest and most selfish of reasons: to survive. It was just a job.

But I've always had a strong sense of ethics, and this job came with an oath. I don't make promises unless I understand what it is I'm promising to do: to defend the Constitution, and to obey the legal orders of my superiors . (1 the word "legal" isn't there but implied when it invokes the UCMJ) (2 When you're a buck private, "superiors" means anything that moves").

And there's no time limit on that oath. Let that sink in for a minute there.

Later on, during boot camp, I learned that following that oath could get me killed. You have to disobey unlawful orders. It's a requirement. Oh, they teach you one little trick (ask for clarification. "Sir, are you ordering me to execute the prisoners?") but chances are that Sir damn well knows what he's asking for.

Odds of this coming up are, of course, minimal. I only relate it to make a point.

I was a chairborne ranger. A knob-twister. My first year of service, all PT tests were written. My courage, fortitude, resolve - all merely hypothetical questions. Hell, I never even threw a grenade and yet somehow passed basic, so you can see how seriously everyone was taking all this at the time.

I'm trying to say, expression of thanks for my service cause extremely mixed emotions. It's nice, and I don't want to be rude. But prior to Facebook, no one ever thanked me for service to my country and I was fine with that. I don't even think I deserve thanks; as I said my motives were selfish and my resolve never put to the test. But there's that oath I made. I want to tell people that they are welcome for it, and at the same time I want to ask them if they understand exactly what it was I promised to defend.

Sometimes I wonder if even my fellow veterans understand it. Every time I hear someone complaining about a lack of God in government (after I finish asking "what lack of God?"), I wonder if they ever read the document they swore to defend. Every time I hear someone complaining about special rights for X minority, when all they want is the same rights as anyone else, I wonder if they really understand America. Every time I see a homeless veteran, I wonder what kind of meal those "thank yous" will buy.

Mixed emotions.

Not trying to be rude, or ungrateful. But there are people out there who did a lot more than I did, and who deserve more recognition than I do. Let's remember them.