Big Job

(Game date: 7/29/2021)

Oi you lot!

Ya member that jobber inna Cagelist ay went after?  Well, ay gottit, an' yer nivver gonna belayve this shite!

First off, the addy was that posh luxe-haus where alla anthros went onna fritz an' doiced up alla pedos. 
Y'know f'r certain, ay dinna jump tha fence.  'oo knows wot kinna bug-zappers they got onna propertay, roight?  So's, ay push th'button, anna gray ol' foxie steps aout ta lemme in, squintin' loik 'e canna see may.  So ay buzz up in 'is foice an' tell 'im whoi am 'ere, an 'e woks me up tha path ta that big ol' 'ouse.

Soon as we get inna door, 'e 'angs a left and puts 'is 'and onna Dee Enn Ay lock, an' hopens a door to the rummiest room ay ever did see.  Thairs haltars on foive soids, anna big 'un inna middle wif a yooman kid standin' onnit, wearin' all cere-moan-eeyal robes an' shite, an ay'm aboot ta buzz off, onna 'count of ay'm thinkin', mebbe this job izza bein' a sackrifoice, or summat, when this kid just shrinks on doon ta pixie-soize, an' sez, all fancy-loike, "Greetings. I am Ama. Thank you for coming."

So, I sez, "Wotcher, Ama, Noice trick. I'm 'ere for that job, ay am," an' ay loight up on 'at haltar roight up next, an' then ay sees that she's a holo, roight?  

An' then she hexplayns 'ow she's trynna foind this Crystal Palace, hit's 'er 'ome, roight?  Only, mebbe tha thing ain't there no more, mebbe hit's all broke up inna Fall, hexcept, she's gonner pay the same eever way.  50,000 creds ta foind it, or tha pieces, an' 50,000 more iffen she c'n be tayken there.  That don't mayn you lot c'n slack off!  Ay en't runnin' no fae flop 'ouse 'ere!

Well, ay kin do wif that kinna loot, speshly when oy'm sharin' may coffin wif you lot an' still short, so sure, ay soin up.  The holo sez that the rest of 'em air gonna be at tha tree-hugger concert at tha Core, an' tha twee singer is one of 'em!  Y' believe that?  Me own farkle-meter was a-peggin', but 50K creds was a-singin' in me other ear, so I just sez "Arright" an' zips on outta there.

Tha Core is roight easy ta foind, so ay gets there quick-loik, afore enny singin' commences.  Tha wee

bigjob is glad-handin' evverbody.  There's alla tha DOE-lasses, anna huge squad o'Bee-Pees, loik there allus is these days, an' that GoldenBoi bloke wots allus onna feeds, anna course alla tha twee fans.  Ay zips in close-loik, coz ay can, see?

Then tha music starts, annits noice - soft an' low, not may cuppa, but noice.  Builds up, tho, an tha beat's gettin' stronger, an oi'm kinna gettin' inta it, roight?  Alla sudden it jus' stops, annam loik, damn, don' leave me 'angin', gel, an' then...BOOOM!  There's this music'l an' magic'l splosion, annam loik, seein stahrs, ay am, annam thinkin', frag me lassie, iffen ye kin do this noo, wot'll ye be loik when ye get yer full growth?  

Alla these sparklies like solid notes o'moosic'l magic air floatin' doon, they touch ennythin', they get sucked roight in, an' tha tree gets the most onna counta hit bein' sa big, yeh?  An it's loik, soakin' 'em up loik water, and sproutin' new leafs, gettin' a new complekshun loik hit was a bloody fayshul holo ad or summat.

Then one a'them DOE-lassies shouts out, "I hear her!" an' nex' thing, alla them's crowdin' arroun', pressin' flesh aginst bark, and croyin, an' shite. Tha twee singer gets a share o' squeezins, too.  

Ay waited 'till that was all over an' done wif, so's not ta get squished, then flitted up ta th' starlet.  "Oi.. Ama says ay should talk to ya about a hexpedition. Somethin' about a palace."

Took 'er a couple seconds, ay fink onna counta tha glow o' that singin' still comin' doon.  But tha big-big foxie roight next t'er was onna spot, an she innerduced may t'alla th'others.  They gots another kiddie, anna elfie, anna dorfie, anna 'nother foxie... tawk aboucher divers alarums.  Ennyways, she sez they'd be ready ta head out wif some cobber "Frank" soon, we traded deets, and tha' was that.

So they all rest up, or party, or wotever it is faymous bigjobs do when they en't doctorin' trees, an' next mornin' ay gets a buzz an' they's ready ta move.  Only when ay gets there, they's still futzin' over which direckshun ta go.  Turns aout theres six 'er seven diff'rent places this palace moight be.  Jeepers!  It's gonner bae a week or two till payday, at least!  Good thing tha coffin's paid ahead.  

Ay puts in may two creds worth for the rocky bit, but ay don't really care much.  Ay'm trynna figger aout where this Frank joker is hoidin' - looks loik they's gonner take off wiffout 'im.

"Don' Frank getta vote?" ay aks.  "Where's 'e?"

Tha big foxie Katrya laughs in a throatie voice.  "HA. Frank says Is time to go already.  By the way...... This -is- Frank. He says to buckle."

So "Frank" is tha van.  Weirdo bigjobs, givvin' names ta' their tek.  Ay looks at tha seatbelts and blow a razz.  Ay en't strappin' that arroun'.  "Oh, roight, verra cute, ha ha. Frank got seat belts inna ashtray?"

Jus' loik tha', a bungee drops roight aoutta ceiling compartment, wif a little "boing" sound.  Jus' wot ay need, a truck wif a sense o'yoomer.  Ay wanted ta say summat, but then thought nay, better not lass, 'oo knows wot tha buggie moight do iffen ya honk 'im off.  Ay just latched on an' kept may trap shut.

So we flew norf-ayst, ta th' maount'ns, an' they kep' goin' on about 'ow much it was all loik the "Anvilspoines" from tha' Crystal Towers game.  I unno.  Enny a' you lot play that?  Tha scenery was a treat, I tell ya.  Lotta trees, nothin' as yuge as we got at the Core, but sa many!  An' birds mon!  Real 'uns, not loik holo-pets.  Ay wonder iffen ye c'd train those fer roidin'?   Tha big foxie complained aboot it bayin' "loud an' bright."  Huh.  I wonder iffen she ever been ta rave?

We been aout 'bout an hour when we spotted a loch.   Was easy ta see it, onna counta most o' those peaks was covered in whoite frozen water loike a sno-cone, but where this water was, tha peak wasna whoite atall.  Ay know zilch from maountains, but don' that seem pecoolyar?  An' when we got closer, tha van's 'eat switched off an' tha hair-condishunin' switchin on.  Cor!

Gettin' closer, we sees this water's sa clear, ye c'n see roight doon ta th'bottom, an' there's a door daown there!  But afore we c'n decoid whether ta pick air noses er scratch air backsoids, we's surrounded by gnomie an' dorfie bigjobs wif pointy sticks an' haxes an' wot-not!

Katrya steps up an' sez, "Ah... Hello. We are here to look for something..."  (Ay'm trynna tawk loik 'er, but hit en't aysy)

Tha layder tosses aout some string o'gibberish wot don't 'elp at awl, seein' 'ow nobody unnerstans 'im.  

Welp.  Ay figger oi c'n do summat abaout this.  Mebbe ay canna heal up no giant tree, but ay finks ay c'n magic up a bit o' translayshun, can't I?  I conjures it up, an' sez,  "Oi, whiskers, try again, we din't catch that."

They mutters, fer a bit, loik they still don' unnerstan' me, but Oi c'n 'ear them arright.  "What weird kind of language is that?" one of 'em sez.  

Tha layder's gettin' cheezed.  "Where did you come from? Why are you- oh for crag's sake, Hobrec! Try asking in dwarf!"

So one a' th' dorfies steps up, an 'is skin!  Hit's all shot through wif glowin' blue scars!  He nods, slow-loik, an' he tawks in some other gibb'rish, only now Ay c'n hear wot 'e means:  "Who are you, where did you come from, and why are you here?"

So ay tells evverbody, " 'e wants ta know 'oo we are an'' why we's 'ere."

Oor aown dorfie, Varfana, tho, she sez it slower, wif a lot fancier words:  "Whosoever be thou art, from whence didst thou cometh, and furthermore to what effect do you breach this territory?"  (Kinna 'ard ta do 'er voice, too.  Why's evverbody gotta deep voice arround 'ere?)

Whoosh.  Good fing hit weren't no emergency, roight?

Katrya aksed Varfana t' tell 'em, "We come in search of a crystal Palace," an' she did, an, tha scarred dorfie looked all mad fer a bit, then 'e told the layder 'ow, "the female dwarf's speech is very forward/rude/aggressive, but says they are looking for a crystal palace/stronghold/keep."

Tha gnomie layder din't loik tha', seemed ta spook 'er.  She goes, "Take them to the Eldest," an' they all close up their circle.  

Ay troied ta clear fings up.  "Oi, bigjobs. She ent bayin rude, she's jus' raised summere else, arrayt?"  

But it din't do one bit o'good, they din't pay attention atall.  The furrin' dorfie just said, "We're taking you to our leader, don't put up a fight."

Ay fink that me spell only works one way.  Ay moight 'afta fix that afore we tawk t'their high mucky-muck.

Ta, you lot.  Don't use up alla food creds! 

Desi