Not Everyone Can Act

This should be pretty obvious.  All you need to do is take a quick inventory of all the people paid to be on-screen to realize that ability and talent have nothing to do with the success of their careers.

I could go on but you get the point.

Now, once in a while one of these people will surprise you.  When that happens, you can be pretty sure that an outstanding director was involved in the project.  Unfortunately, not everyone can be that director, either.

 

Stop.  Just stop.

I bring this up because of my experience with "A Midsummer Night's Dream."  I've done this show twice, but the one I'm talking about was for Act II St. Peters, in the summer of 2000. 

I had heard the director bragging that she could teach anyone to act.  "How hard can it be?", she would say, pointing out the pretty faces in Hollywood and how stupid most of them are. 

 

Not you, Jeff.  You are neither stupid nor pretty.

At auditions, there were some pretty awesome choices for most of the main roles.  But our director decided to cast the show based upon looks.  Even so, we had one girl at auditions who looked and acted a lot like this--->

and was not offered any part at all.  No, she gave the part of Titania to a girl who, despite being only 17, was tall enough to appear opposite the choice for Oberon, who just happened to be the director's husband.  This girl was very sweet, and pretty enough, but she COULD NOT SPEAK.  I don't mean she was mute - that might have been better.  I mean that she could not pronounce words.  She could not project.  She could not slow down.  She was obviously intimidated trying to act opposite a man older than her own father.  It just didn't work.  

While I"m on this subject, I honestly don't think that the husband could act, either.  He had a monotone delivery that could replace Ritalin, but everyone in that particular group seemed to have a blind spot where he was concerned.  One board member, very excited over the idea of seeing this man on-stage, said that he could read a phone book and the audience would be rapt.  I thought that this was fortunate, because that's exactly what it sounded like he was doing.

The complete works of Shakespeare

She also cast her own son as Lysander, and I'm sorry Brisbee, but your boy had a lisp.  A pretty bad one.  My daughter heard ME talking about it, and let it slip, which caused a big brouhaha, and no one wanted to hurt his feelings.  I really should have spoken up.  He lisped like Barney Frank on novocaine.  He shouldn't have been allowed near that part - it was manslaughter.

Let me interject here that I did not, and do not, dislike these people.  Well, not most of them.  It was impressive just to get the board to agree to a Shakespeare play in the first place, and more so to get people in St, Peters MO to come see it.  This woman was one miracle short of sainthood. She did not, however, earn her halo during this show.

 Two weeks into rehearsal, it became obvious to everyone that our Queen of the Faeries was just not up to the job.  One line in particular will always stick in my memory.  When Titania and Oberon have their first spat of the play, Titania says,  "Fairies, away!  We shall chide downright if I longer stay."  Only she didn't.  She always says "chow down right."  It sounded like a stage direction for eating.  And she kept doing it, over and over, no matter how many times she was corrected.  "We shall chow down right if I longer stay!"  

Hungry Hungry Fairies

Even the director had to admit that she'd been wrong.  So she dismissed the poor girl, and took on the part herself.  Which was probably her plan all along.

Again, I must be fair.  Not every casting choice was a disaster or nepotism (or both).  Arthur did a great Peter Quince, although I think he could have handled a larger role.  As for myself, I was cast as Theseus and I believe I did well.  But my costume made me look like Elvis gave birth to a disco ball.

No, no picture of that.  *shudder*

Brisbee turned in a fiery Titania that survived her husband's wooden Oberon, even if it didn't make up for it.  Our puck dropped out of the show, but his replacement was a quick study - I suspected another planned substitution but couldn't prove it.  Enough of us were able to avoid singsong delivery that the play was actually understandable, and people seemed to enjoy it.  

I gained a lot from this experience, apart from a nifty blog name.  It was my first time doing Shakespeare, and I learned that it's a lot better performed live than read from a book.   I learned to be more objective about my own abilities and that of my loved ones, so as not to ever cast someone just because I know and like them.  And I learned a bit about the cliqueish nature of community theatres.  It didn't put me off the group - just made me a little more cautious.  In the end, not cautious enough, but that's another story.

1776

Everyone has their own "bitten by the bug" moment. This was mine.

I entered high school in 1975, and one of the required classes at CHS at the time was a combo speech/drama/debate class. I muddled through on the speech portion, but my grades fell far below C level when we entered the debate part of the class. The reason was simple: I was (and remain) lazy. Debate involves research, and that was too much work for a skate like me.

This would have become the first F on my report card, but Mr. Wedge Crouch (I kid you not, this is his real name. Google him.) decided to choose "1776" as our annual High School Musical (tm).

Now, if you haven't seen this show, I do recommend it. It plays a little fast & loose with the facts, but all in all an enjoyable patriotic romp, and especially appropriate when we were preparing for our nation's Bicentennial. But I do have to explain, if you haven't seen this show, that the cast contains a boatload of men, and only two women.

Have you ever tried to gather such a cast? It can be dang near impossible. I mean, it could have been worse - they could have tried to do Mister Roberts. Still, they had a hard time filling all the parts. This is where me and my F come in. The teacher of Speech/Drama/Debate was the director of the show. And he blackmailed me.

Mr. Crouch asked me to talk after class and he showed me that big red failure in his gradebook. Then he proposed a pact to make Satan proud. I pass the course, IF I do the show.

I didn't even have to think once, let alone twice. This was a legitimate school project that would GET ME OUT OF THE HOUSE. Home life, for me, was not exactly enjoyable. If I sat around the house, I was criticized for that. If I was out too long, I heard about that too. Heaven help me if I tried to help with any housework, that was considered women's work. I had no social life, being one of the nerds who never quite figured out what the heck it took to fit in. So it was school, science fiction, and sleep - that was my life.

So, hell yes. Throw me into that briar patch!

Not the most racist thing Disney has ever done

I was cast as George Reed, delegate from Delaware. Basically a toady for the Tories, only a few lines, and during one of our three performances I started paying too much attention to what I was doing and blanked (the actor's nightmare or the centipede's dilemma).

During rehearsals there was a lot of sitting around at tables. Most of us filled the time by scribbling jokes or pictures on the parchment sheets. The letters from George Washington could not be fully read aloud or our courier would have broken character every single night. We used our canes for counterpoint percussion during The Egg, even though most of us weren't technically in that particular song.

When we presented our gift to the director, the entire cast pantomimed his name.

I refused to comply when the director handed everyone a pair of white tights and told us all to shave our legs. O terrible actor, disregarding your director's wishes! Fact is, I was more than a little afraid of my folk's reaction to that particular act. My grandmother called my sexuality into question if I dried dishes. Huh-uh, no way. Of course, by that time my legs didn't have much hair on them anyway, so nobody noticed my rebellion.

Ah, wild youth.

This show was, however, the best thing to happen to me in high school, including losing my virginity. Sorry, Kathy.

This is because I was, for the first time in my life, accepted unconditionally. It wasn't for who or what I was - these people accepted me because I was part of the show. But it was enough. I was supported through the rough spots, lauded when I did well. The cast party was the first time I'd been invited to a party of any kind.

These were my people. I was home.

(edit:  I got an A in the class)

Theatre Speak

THEATRE SPEAK

FOR ASPIRING ACTORS (AND THEIR FAMILIES)

A guide to theatre terminology

 

              Well now you’re in theatre, and we really hope the bug bites you. But here are all these people using strange words and phrases in ways you’ve never heard. Like what the heck is a green room, and why isn’t it green? Here’s a listing of some common theatre terms and their definitions to help you understand what is going on.

 

ACT:	1. A major division or part of a play frequently (but not always) separated from other Acts by an intermission (short break). An act usually encompasses a period or time  or a location and all action that occurs within the time period or location. An act is usually comprised of one or more scenes. Most plays are of 1, 2, or 3 acts but may be more. 2. the art and craft of portraying a character, other than yourself, in a play.
APRON:	The part of the stage in front of the curtain.
ARENA THEATRE  (THEATRE IN THE ROUND):	A type of theatre layout in which the audience is seated all around the stage with the acting being done in the center. Note: this is more difficult to stage and to act but, when done well makes the audience feel more a part of the action.
BACK WALL:	The wall farthest away, or up stage, from the audience. This could be either the stage wall or the wall of a scene.
BACK STAGE:	Any part of the stage area not seen by the audience. Usually including the wings on either side and the area behind the backdrop. Theatre people often use the term to include the green room, dressing room, scene shop and all areas of thetheatre not seen by the public.
BLOCKING:	Laying out the movement and positions of the actors on stage at any specific time within the show. 2. Giving the actors directions for their movements and positions during a show.
CALL:	The time designated for actors or techs to be at the theatre for rehearsal or show.
CATWALK:	A walkway above the floor either on stage or in  the house usually used to work on lights or set pieces from overhead.
CHOREOGRAPHER:	The dance designer and dance director of a show.  An accomplished dancer who will develop the dances for a show and teach the dances to the actors.
CHORUS:	A group of actors who support the main speaking roles by being a presence on stage for the actors and audience to react to. A chorus or some of its members may have individual lines or speak as a group or may not speak at all. Also called “villagers” or “townspeople” etc. A chorus may be one person. In musicals, the chorus sings in the background or does some songs as a group.
CLOSED:	A position taken by an actor in which he/she is facing away from the audience or to the side in a way that their face and front are not easily seen by the audience.
CROSS:	A stage movement where an actor moves from side to side on stage either a short distance or completely across the stage.
COSTUMES:	Clothing worn on stage by the actors to assist in portraying their characters. Costuming can set the time period, social position, location, and many other aspects of the character being portrayed. Good costuming can also set the tone of the play through color, relationship to the characters etc.
CYCLORAMA (CYC):	A large flat curtain extending completely across the open area of the stage serving as a backdrop to mask the back wall of the stage. Cyc’s frequently have lights projected on them to simulate the sky or a visual effect.
DIRECTOR:	The person whose job it is to interpret the script of a play and “direct” or coordinate the movements and speech of the actors in order to tell the story to the audience in a clear, artistic, entertaining way. The director also coordinates the work of the choreographer, music and tech directors, costumer, props master and all other specialized skills to insure that the production is smooth and unified.
DOWN STAGE:	That part of the stage closest to the audience. The direction toward or facing the audience.
DRESS REHEARSAL:	The final tech rehearsal(s) of a play done in full costumes and makeup to allow the actors to become used to being and moving in costume and allow the production staff to visualize the play in its final form.
DROP:	1. A flat set piece or curtain which is suspended from an arrangement pulleys and wires attached to the ceiling of the stage, often intended to be raised and lowered with scene changes. Drops often have scenes or settings painted on them to depict a location that would be to complicated or costly to create or to save space on stage.  2. Anything that is lowered or raised from the flys.
ENCORE:	A repeat of a particular musical number by the performer(s) to show appreciation for an exceptional audience response to a show. This is not often done in musical theatre but is nearly always done in concerts.
ENTRA’ ACTE:	A brief musical prelude to the second act or that portion of the show following the intermission
FLY (noun):	1. also Flys, fly space: The area above the stage out of sight of the audience from which drops, curtains, etc. are lowered. 2. Another word for drop or any set piece that is raised or lowered.
FLY (verb):	1. To raise or lower a set piece, drop or even an actor by use of pulleys and wires. 2. To move an actor or object around on stage using pulleys and wires from the flys or grid. 3. What Chanticleer’s bats do at sometimes inappropriate times.
FOLLOW SPOT:	A spotlight mounted on a stand designed to be moved around to its light can follow an actor on stage.
GEL: (or COLOR MEDIUM)	A colored filter used to change the color or effect of lights on a stage.  Nearly all lights on a stage are “gelled” in some way even if they look white.
GRAND CURTAIN:	Also called the “Grand” or “Main”. The primary curtain separating the stage from the audience used to hide the set until the show starts.
GREEN ROOM:	A waiting room or lounge used by the actors after they are in costume and makeup to wait for their cue to go on stage. The term “green” relates to their state of readiness not the color of the room. (They’re very seldom green)
GRID:	The network of beams and trusses in the ceiling of the stage or fly space from which the pulleys, wires, drops etc. are suspended.
HOUSE:	1. The theatre building. 2. That part of the theatre building occupied by the audience, including the auditorium, lobby etc. 3. The number of people in the audience.
INTERMISSION:	A break near the middle of a show to allow the audience a chance to stand up, stretch and refresh themselves. (More importantly, a chance for the actors to get a short break and major scene changes to be made)
MASK:	A curtain, flat, or any other device used to hide lights, rigging or other equipment on stage, or to hide the backstage areas
MUSIC DIRECTOR:	The person responsible for interpreting and coordinating the music in a show and coaching the actors and musicians in the music for a show.
OPEN:	The position taken by an actor in which he or she is facing the audience or their face or front are in view of the audience and their bearing is open.
ORCHESTRA:	1. A group of musicians playing together as the musical background for a theatrical work. 2. The audience seating on the main floor of a multi level theatre.
OVERTURE:	A musical prelude or introduction to a theatrical work, usually a musical production. In most cases the overture consists of short pieces from each musical number in the show.
PROSCENIUM:	The type of stage in which an arch separates the audience from the stage almost like a window through which the audience can view the action on stage. The arch at the edge of the stage is called the Proscenium arch.
PRODUCER:	The person or group responsible for managing the business or financial aspects of a show including funding the costs of the show, setting the budget etc.
PROPS:	Short for properties. Moveable set pieces, decorations, and hand held items used by the actors. Any item used by a person on stage as part of the show. The telephone a character uses on stage or a cup a character drinks from on stage are examples of hand props.
REPRISE:	Replaying a specific part of the show, often a specific musical number, to emphasize a theme or a part of the plot.
SCENE:	1. A division of an “ACT” in a production. normally consisting of a specific period of time or piece of action. Transition between scenes is often done by a change in lighting or scenery while the audience is watching or by a blackout then bringing the lights up. Sometimes the audience is not even aware of moving to a different scene.  2. The picture presented on stage by the set, lighting, actors, and effects,
SCRIM:	A curtain or piece of cloth which can be seen through or appear solid depending on whether it is lit from the front or from behind. This can make the scrim very useful for special effects or scene changes by lighting in front for one scene and behind for the next.
SET:	A construction on stage to simulate a particular location such as a room, a forest, or a castle. Any combination of elements which make the audience  believe they are in a specific place.
SPIKE:	A small piece of tape on the floor of the stage to mark the location of a set piece, prop, or even an actor. Spikes insure that the object or person gets into the exact same place and position every performance.
SPOT (noun):	A specific marked location on a stage for an actor or a set piece to be placed.
SPOT (verb):	To place an item (or person) on their specific location.
STAGE LEFT:	The area to an actor’s left when they are facing the audience. That part of the stage to the left of center as seen by an actor facing the audience.
STAGE MANAGER:	The person actually responsible for the running of the show during performances. The stage manager insures that all parts of the show; actors, lighting, sound, scene changes etc. flow smoothly together and occur at the right times. The stage manager is a critical part of the show from the very beginning, handling much of the show’s day to day business, leaving the director free to direct the show.
STAGE RIGHT:	The area to an actor’s right when they are facing the audience. That part of the stage to the right of center as seen by an actor facing the audience.
STRIKE:	The process of dismantling a stage set. This is usually done immediately after the audience has left the theatre on the closing night (or day) of a performance. The actors are traditionally to help with the strike in community theatre.
TEASER:	A hanging running across the stage immediately behind the arch to hide the lights or drops.
TECH (noun):	A person involved in the technical side of the show, such as set crew, lighting crew, light board operators, sound system operators, props master, etc. All come under the supervision of the Tech Director. Also called Techies (often other names by actors) They are every bit as vital and important to a show as are the actors, and their performances can be as artistic even though they are seldom seen.
TECH (verb):	To perform the technical jobs in a show such as shifting sets, running rigging, lights or sound.
TECH DIERCTOR:	The person responsible for the construction of, and often the design of, the set for a show. Also for the selection of and coordination and supervision of the tech crew.
TECH REHEARSAL:	Rehearsal(s) of the technical aspects of a production including set changes, sound and light cues, and all the fine details needed to make the show run smoothly.  “First Tech” or “Tech Rehearsal” is often the first opportunity to put the technical elements and the acting elements of the show together at the same time.
THRUST:	A platform or projection extending from the front of the stage out toward the audience as an acting or performance space.  Usually it is at the same level as the stage.
TORMENTER:	Hangings on either side of the stage to mask the wings, side lights and off stage equipment from the audience.
UP STAGE:	That area of the stage between the center of the stage and The back wall. Moving away from the audience on stage.
WAGON:	A rolling platform on which a set or part of a set is constructed allowing the set piece to be moved around on stage easily.
WINGS:	The areas off stage on either side of the stage and hidden from the audience. These are areas where actors wait for their cue to go on stage and set pieces are kept until needed on stage.